Newmark's Door

Now is the time we . . . dance!

She catches on eventually.

#2, #5, and #8 are just three of the ones that made me laugh.

billg does better with software.

Not something you see every day.

Is a recent Dilbert book from Scott Adams. Dilbert makes me laugh, and this book made me laugh a lot. I think fair use permits me to reproduce the text of a few examples:

1. Tina: Wally, do you have goals?

Wally: My goal is to be an Olympic pole vaulter.

Tina: You don't look . . . 

Wally: Sporty?

Tina: I was going to say healthy.

Wally: That's why Olympic pole vaulting is my goal. I wouldn't need a goal to do something easy.

Tina: Are you training for it?

Wally: No.

Tina: You're living in a fantasy world! You'll never get to the Olympics!

Tina: I can't sit here and listen to this.

Dilbert: Looks like you accomplished your goal.

Wally: Thanks for noticing.

2. PHB: I'm getting a lot of complaints about you being late for meetings.

Wally: They never talk about anything important in the first ten minutes.

PHB: They're usually talking about you being late.

Wally: Why would I need to be there for that?

3. Wally: We've achieved optimal meeting density.

Wally: We have so many meetings that I can avoid all of them by saying I have another meeting at the same time.

Wide-eyed colleague: While you're here can you review my slide deck?

Wally: I'd love to, but I have fifty slide decks ahead of you.

4. PHB: What does the data tell us to do?

Dilbert: We only have bad data on this.

PHB: Does the bad data suggest we should do what we wanted to do anyway?

Dilbert: Well, yes.

PHB: That's called "good data". 

And finally one near and dear to the heart of a former economics instructor:

5. Dilbert: The economics of the project have changed. We need to shut it down.

PHB: If we stop now the $10 million we already spent will be wasted.

Dilbert: And if we stop later?

PHB: The trick is to never finish the project.

Oh, come on. The first couple of times I saw them they were fun and more importantly, they induced great curiosity. I-95 wouldn't be the same without them.

Although it's a variant of an old joke, this is still good:

I’ve been accused of living in a woke ‘echo chamber’ and that my opinions are out of touch with regular people. But I’ve asked around my close friends and they all agree this isn’t the case.

And this is quite good:

I was the only child of two barristers. I learnt only that my private education and frequent family holidays to Montenegro and the Maldives were merely a ruse by which my parents could distract me from my oppression.’

I'd like to wish Chuck a belated happy birthday. (He turned 79 yesterday.) Enjoy some fabulous "Chuck Norris facts," such as these:

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Viciously accurate satire from the Babylon Bee.