30,000 pound bunker-busting bomb "ready for action"
"Why Are Donations to Government So Small?"

The apex of modern political journalism

Or at least close. Read as ABC News probes the profoundly mysterious connection between Mitt Romney's father and McDonald's founder Ray Kroc. How could they possibly have known each other? What did George Romney do for Kroc? And just what about that gift card that a "randomly selected sample of McDonald's restaurant managers" have never heard of? (Cue the theme from Jaws.)

The reporter should have talked to me, though. I could have told her that the Koch brothers, the Masons, and the Trilateral Commission were involved.

But maybe the reporter is just trying to get a job on Saturday Night Live