"Linotype: The Film"
Thank your lucky stars that you don't mine sulphur for a living

"A Note to Parents from Bruce Springsteen, High School Cross-Country Coach"

McSweeney's, of course.

Finally, I want to address the particular interest I've taken in one student: Wendy. She is our best runner and, yes, I want to guard the dreams and visions she has of running for a NCAA Division 1 school. Sometimes, it's true, I strap her hands across the engine of my truck so she can feel the hemi-power and get inspired. Other times, I have her do a training exercise on a treadmill where she needs to wrap her legs around this contraption I built out of an old treadmill (I've coated the rims in velvet so it's more comfortable). Essentially, I want to do what I can to help Wendy. Because if she could break this trap and never come back, the rest of us who are too scared might have a shot.