Gene Weingarten delivers a high school graduation speech.
LET ME BEGIN by dismantling a great big fiction about high school commencement addresses. I am supposed to tell you today that you are embarking on a bold, new journey and whatnot. It's in the official graduation speech handbook, page 3, paragraph 9. But here's what you have to realize: A few years from now, when most of you are graduating from college . . . they're going to tell you the same thing.
My point is that the basic, all-purpose high school graduation speech is a lie. It's a lie, because they don't want to tell you the truth, which is that you are embarking on a bold, new journey to explore such things as whether it is physically possible to jam into a dormitory elevator the entire contents of the faculty lounge, including the sectional sofa.