NEWS BULLETIN . . . WORLDWIDE EXCLUSIVE. Must cite the Door.

(Cambridge, MA) At 2:30 today the Harvard Faculty of Arts and Sciences will hold an emergency meeting to consider a vote of no confidence in President George W. Bush.

Professor Karl Mummenphlatz, Professor of Philosophic Epistemology and Chairperson of the A and S Faculty, said, "I expect the president to lose overwhelmingly. Then the bum will have no choice but to resign in a week or two." Professor Pepe LePew, Professor of French Literature, agreed: "It's about time we at Harvard threw that bastard out."

When this reporter informed the two professors that the U.S. government doesn't run the same way as the Harvard Corporation and Harvard University, they were aghast. "It doesn't?" Professor Mummenphlatz asked. "Why didn't someone tell us? Oh, the faculty will be really angry now! I'll appoint a special select committee to look into this. The faculty of Harvard will RISE UP and fix this problem, you can depend on it!"

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