"The Secrets of the World's Greatest Art Thief"

Forget it, Jake. It's Europe.

But Breitwieser has spotted a 17th-century still life by Dutch painter Willem van Aelst that is simply too tempting. And it seems so easy to take. He puts the painting under his arm and walks out as casually as if he's carrying a baguette. A gallery employee instantly spots the theft, accosts the couple outside the gallery, and escorts them across the street to the police. Breitwieser and Kleinklaus remain in custody overnight but manage to convince the authorities that this is the first time they'd ever stolen and that they are terribly, deeply sorry. They are released with hardly any punishment.

"Chicagoans, pensioners: Beware a stock market shock"

Watch out, Chicago residents:

Illinois state pensions are getting all the attention as a result of Gov. J.B. Pritzker’s budget speech, but don’t forget Chicago pensions. Believe it or not, they’re in even worse shape than the state pension plans.

For some informed speculation on how this ends, see "Even Warren Buffett Gets It: They're Coming For Your Money".

"My father made me laugh, and now I have a problem"

Sportswriter Sally Jenkins eulogizes her late father, famed sportswriter Dan Jenkins.

He preferred brevity, loathed false sentiment, prized candor and humor above all character traits and was a free speech absolutist. Privately, he was a lenient, adoring and adored man. As great a writer as he was, I don’t know that you can say anything higher about a guy than that his children preferred his company to all others and his approval to all the credit in the world. I was so lucky to be his.

"Birth order may not shape personality after all"

Another bit of conventional wisdom from social science bites the dust:

“There seems to be a growing consensus that birth order does not influence personality in a way that can be measured in adulthood.” . . .

Damian has described birth order personalities as a “zombie theory” that lurches forward despite the evidence against it. Once we’ve accepted an idea, it’s often hard to let go.

Newmark's Second Theorem: the social sciences try to find regularities that are both true and simple. The only social science that can reliably find both is economics.

"Theresa May planned to defeat herself, then decided not to defeat herself by defeating herself, then lost. To herself"

We may have some political problems in this country but at least we don't have this.

The House of Commons was a Benny Hill chase on acid, running through a Salvador Dali painting in a spaceship on its way to mad infinity and beyond.

Related: "Democracy? It's all gone Humpty Dumpty as the politicians take leave of their senses".