Made me laugh out loud.
I've heard it said that world-class athletes need to have short memories--to immediately forget their mistakes. This kid could be the next LeBron.
A bit of what made Dave's show one of a kind.
There are two types of academics. Those who use the Oxford comma, those who don't and those who should.
Choose a discipline you love and you'll never work a day in your life likely because that field isn't hiring.
How many humanities professors does it take to change a light bulb: Just one, but 700 applied for the job.
You had me at "I read your most recent paper."
Truth with humor from McSweeney's.
I do not want to read your 3AM-energy-drink-fueled excuse for a thesis statement. I do not want to sift through your mixed metaphors, your abundantly employed logical fallacies, your incessant editorializing of your writing process wherein you tell me As I was reading through articles for this paper I noticed that — or In the article that I have chosen to analyze, I believe the author is trying to or worse yet, I sat down to write this paper and ideas kept flowing into my mind as I considered what I should write about because honestly, we both know that the only thing flowing into your mind were thoughts of late night pizza or late night sex or late night pizza and sex, or maybe thoughts of that chemistry final you’re probably going to fail later this week and anyway, you should know by now that any sentence about anything flowing into or out of or around your blessed mind won’t stand in this college writing classroom or Honors seminar or lit survey because we are Professors and dear god, we have Standards.
Most of these are pretty darn close.
The Times was off by just a tiny little bit.
Funny, unless you were the one being yelled at.