Psychology's DSM rewritten. Sample:
2.0 Cockamamy Conditions of Character
2.06 Shnook, Shmo, Shlub, Yutz, Putz
"I'm Weighing Whether Or Not I Want To Go Through The Hell Of Appealing To You Idiotic, Uninformed Oafs".
The Onion, of course.
Calling his résumé “exceptional” and “like nothing we’ve ever seen,” the human resources department at local public relations firm Brink & Tiller called 22-year-old job applicant Corey Wilhelm immediately after noticing he had a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications, sources confirmed Wednesday.
It seems unfair that the politicians see no reason to cut spending, but we have to keep paying taxes like the federal deficit actually means something. So why not give our economy a big stimulus and just put all government operations on credit? The debt ceiling will now just be whatever numbers we actually have words for.
This should receive huge bipartisan support. Republicans don’t like taxes, Democrats don’t like spending cuts — so now we’ll have no taxes and no cuts. The only thing we’ll have is even more debt, and we can all just agree to stop pretending we care about that. How can it hurt us, anyway? Dollars are just made-up things. They used to represent gold we had in a vault somewhere or something, but now they’re just completely pretend numbers on a computer. Saying we owe 16 trillion dollars is like saying we owe 16 trillion unicorn farts. How will this “debt” ever harm us?