Newmark's Door

"How Things Are Done in The United States Of ‘Murica!"

Celebrate the Fourth of July early. Truly excellent.

"Diagnostic Manual of Mishegas"

Psychology's DSM rewritten. Sample:

2.0 Cockamamy Conditions of Character

2.01 Schmuck

2.02 Schlemiel

2.03 Schlemazel

2.04 Shmegegge

2.05 Shmendrick

2.06 Shnook, Shmo, Shlub, Yutz, Putz

2.07 Shnorrer

2.08 Kvetch

Made me laugh

Your mileage may vary, but I liked "22 Things Your Grandparents Do Better Than You".

"The New Wonderlic Revealed!"

I've never read why pro football doesn't just use a standard IQ test. Maybe it is so their test could be satirized so nicely. 

Move over Chuck Norris: "Daron Acemoglu Facts"

"Daron Acemoglu's necessary conditions are always sufficient," "Daron Acemoglu makes weak instruments strong," and others. (Link via Marginal Revolution.)

"They're Made Out of Meat"

Science fiction short story. 

Important new commentary from Hillary Clinton

"I'm Weighing Whether Or Not I Want To Go Through The Hell Of Appealing To You Idiotic, Uninformed Oafs".

The Onion, of course.

"Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant Upon Seeing 'B.A. In Communications' On Résumé"

The Onion, of course. 

Calling his résumé “exceptional” and “like nothing we’ve ever seen,” the human resources department at local public relations firm Brink & Tiller called 22-year-old job applicant Corey Wilhelm immediately after noticing he had a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications, sources confirmed Wednesday.

"Why Not Just Put the Entire Federal Budget on Credit?"

In the fine tradition of A Modest Proposal, Frank J. Fleming solves all our problems for us. 

It seems unfair that the politicians see no reason to cut spending, but we have to keep paying taxes like the federal deficit actually means something. So why not give our economy a big stimulus and just put all government operations on credit? The debt ceiling will now just be whatever numbers we actually have words for.

This should receive huge bipartisan support. Republicans don’t like taxes, Democrats don’t like spending cuts — so now we’ll have no taxes and no cuts. The only thing we’ll have is even more debt, and we can all just agree to stop pretending we care about that. How can it hurt us, anyway? Dollars are just made-up things. They used to represent gold we had in a vault somewhere or something, but now they’re just completely pretend numbers on a computer. Saying we owe 16 trillion dollars is like saying we owe 16 trillion unicorn farts. How will this “debt” ever harm us?

"The 50 Funniest Chuck Norris Jokes of All Time"

Samples:

There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris. But it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.

Fear of spiders is arachnophobia. Fear of tight spaces is claustrophobia. Fear of Chuck Norris is called logic.