"The 2013 Hater's Guide To The Williams-Sonoma Catalog"
Reading this is now an annual tradition for me. Sample:
Items #54-126250 and #54-527879 Butter Making Kit, Rooster Butter Stamp
Williams-Sonoma says: "Just add cream for fresh, flavorful butter in 20 minutes!... A bas-relief rooster image adds a flourish to fresh churned butter"
Price: $29.95 (kit), $9.95 (stamp)
Notes: Oh, just add cream! It couldn't be any easier, except for the part where you spend TWENTY AGONIZING MINUTES churning and churning and churning away like Roger Clemens working his pitching arm down into a barrel of wet rice, just so your stupid dinner guests can have a fresh pat of butter with a fucking rooster crest on it. THE ROOSTER IS MY FAMILY CREST YOU KNOW. Our ancestors were famous for their delicious rooster butter, made from fresh rooster milk.